Though there are many days where things go smoothly and we have a ball, there are days where I feel like I'm sort of trapped, where Potato won't stop crying or being fussy, won't sleep, and won't give me a minute to myself (for glamorous things like using the bathroom). I come from a large extended Middle-Eastern family and it seems like my mom and aunts look at me as if I'm sort of a failure because I have had a hard time with the learning curve of becoming a parent. My cousins seem to have done a better job. In fact everyone seems to have done a better job of coping, scheduling, and organizing. This is despite how hard I have tried. I had a natural labor, I use cloth diapers, I have made all her organic blah blah blah food from scratch and have been nursing this child (who has had teeth since 4 months) for over 14 months and never given her formula.
***I would like to note here that I do not begrudge any mother her stripes for doing anything other than what I did. I don't care if you had a C-section or a epidural, if you fed them fries from fast food and only used formula even though you could nurse. I'm sure you are probably still an awesome mom who loves her baby just as much as I do and has had it just as hard despite. So please don't take offense or think I am here to judge those who did things differently. Every family, child, and mom have to do what works for them.***
After months of a sort of mild postpartum depression (and not even realizing that I was a bit down) I realized, with the magic of the internet, that it is in fact not easy for most new moms, that many of us struggle, many of us have kids that are terrible sleepers, and that many of us have mothers and aunts that don't remember what it was like to have only one kid who relied on you for its entertainment all day, every day. That was a relief to find out I'm not alone. Since that realization, I find it easier to see the worn-out look of frustration on my fellow mothers of young children's faces, where I used to only see people who had it more together than myself.
I have gotten over the hump (I hope). Some days (especially teething days!) are still really tough, but we manage. I am very proud of myself for being (mostly) patient and good to my little Potato no matter how she tries me and I do hope I can sustain this throughout the teenage years. Most days, even when tiring, are more fun - we read, we do flashcards, we take walks, we sing and dance and learn new things. She is amazing.
Potato is up now and pulling everything out of the coffee table drawers again. My little bichon is following at her heels waiting to grab something from her so he can play too. They are so cute together. Just the picutres I have of them both from the last 14 months could sustain a greeting card company into infinity. They remind me of Calvin and Hobbes, maybe because I'm a big sap. She is wobbling along, really starting to get this walking thing down, even while still in her little sleep sack.
Here is my little bichon, Potato's buddy. Is he a little kid's dream or what?
There is nothing I will ever be so proud of in my life. Even if I have another kid I will attribute my relative ease in handling number 2 to the hazing I got from number 1. I have never tried too hard and been tested so much, and I have had an uphill battle type of life, so that is saying a lot. There is a big pay off however, which I can't say for other things I have been through (unless God is keeping score and I will find out later). There really is no greater reward than a child of your own. I used to tell people, like those in my Middle-Eastern family (people from our culture don't traditionally keep dogs indoors), when they would ask why I would want all the upkeep of owning a dog that the benefits are immeasurable and can't be articulated with any justice. Times that by a billion (give or take a few) and that is how I feel about Potato (though maybe it is not great to use an analogy of my dog and my kid, but you know what I mean).
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